He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
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