If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
