what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
