porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Randomize
