I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
