did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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