So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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