Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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