Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
