There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
