Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
she told me i tasted like america
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
