go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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