I think I am morally bankrupt
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
