not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
