Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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