Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
