She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I party with great urgency now.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize