Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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