Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
