There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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