i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
