Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
