stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
