goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
