i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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