I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Bring me that man meat
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
