theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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