the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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