Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
