I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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