Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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