I wish my penis had an off switch
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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