You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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