i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize
