Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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