wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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