just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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