apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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