yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
