I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Randomize
