Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
