Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
