just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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