She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
