"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize