Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize