pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
