I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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