I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
