the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Actions speak louder than pants.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
