In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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