ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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