We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
