His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
