Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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