This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
