no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
