next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
