also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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