I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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