Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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