is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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