I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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